Who Comes First?

Lately I’ve been struggling between my responsibility to my family and to myself.

Who comes first?

I’ve always been a family girl, most of my days in Ohio are spent playing games and laughing with my family. I love them with my whole heart. I’ve been blessed to grow up in a tight knit community.

This is the longest time I’ve ever been away from them.

When I started traveling, they all wanted a date that I’d be back. In my head, 9 months was long enough. I thought by September I’d be ready to come home and work again.

I thought.

This whole month I’ve been planning for my return. I booked my ticket. My family made plans for me. The countdown has been counting down.

But the reality is, I don’t want to go home yet.

I miss my family, but I’m not ready to stop traveling.

I don’t want to let them down. I don’t want to miss the camping trip my dad has booked for us. So what do I do?

Do I come back home just because I already said I would and my flight is booked? Or do I bite the bullet and stay longer?

This has been my internal dialogue for the past few weeks. I go back and forth. Don’t I miss them? Don’t I want to go home? I don’t know Ricky.

I dreaded the conversations with them about extending. Dreading seeing their faces of disappointment. But this didn’t happen the way I thought. My dad said he’d miss me but wants me to follow my heart and dreams. My sister sent me a long message about trusting myself and making a decision true to me.

Of course they miss me. Of course they want me home. But they want what’s best for me more. And only I know the answer to that.

So instead of making choices based on disappointing the least amount of people, I‘m going to make the choice that feels most right for me.

Maybe I go home this month, maybe I don’t. But whatever decision I make, it will be what I truly want. Not because I was afraid of disappointing someone.