Motives

This is the reason I do things right?

My motives, maybe my intentions.

For some reason, a lot of those motives are contingent on another person.

I want to reach out to an old friend, but what if they don’t answer?

I want to clean up my mom’s house, but what if she doesn’t appreciate it?

I want to give that homeless guy some money, but what if he uses it to buy drugs?

See the problem here? I want to do these things, but since I can’t guarantee someone reacting the way I’d like, maybe I won’t do it at all.

I can’t control someone else’s feelings or reactions, so basing my actions on them seems pointless, right?

And getting upset because someone didn’t react the way I wanted them to? Maybe that’s pointless, too.

Of course, I’m human. I’ll feel disappointed when someone doesn’t reciprocate my enthusiasm or when an effort goes unnoticed.

I give so much and, naturally, I want to feel it come back.

But I don’t want the way someone responds to me determine the way I show up in the world.

The only way around this is to act in accordance with my own values, without relying on anyone else to cheer me on or validate my efforts.

I reached out to my old friend because I care about them and am genuinely interested in their lives. Not because I needed them to respond immediately with my same energy.

I clean up the house when I‘m free because I enjoy a clean house and helping out. Not because I need my mom to thank me for doing it.

I give that homeless guy some money because I want to give back. Not because I need to know exactly what he’ll spend it on.

I want my actions to be a reflection of who I am, not a reaction to who someone else is.

The sun shines without needing appreciation or acknowledgement. Even when I hide from her in the shade, she still shines just as bright.

I want to be a little more like that.

I won’t stop reaching out because someone doesn’t reach back. I won’t stop giving because someone doesn’t appreciate it. I won’t stop caring because the world doesn't always care in return.

I will shine and sparkle and give and love, simply because that’s who I am.