Reframing Thoughts

Something I feel is crucial to positive thinking and optimism. My brain does not understand real from fake, so why be a “realist” if it doesn’t help my mindset grow more positive? That’s the argument I get when I look at the bright side. That I have rose colored lenses on, while the rest of the world lives as realists. Blah blah blah. Those are the words of a pessimist, not a realist. Why would I choose mundane if magic exists? That is the difference between a realist and me. I see the beauty of childbirth as literal magic, while they see it as scientific. I see a flower blooming as pure beauty, and they see a weed on the ground. A realist should understand how the brain works, how perception works, and the difference a positive mind can make in someone’s reality. A realist should understand that in a cruel world, no one can begin to make a difference unless they start with themselves. And what is a better start than being positive?

Trust me, I know that it’s hard to be positive all the time. It’s hard to see the dangers and suffering and negativity and not let it creep inside and latch its claws. It’s hard to trust in myself and a bigger plan when life’s stressors make my emotions so heavy. But with time and effort, I’ve made drastic improvements.

The best and easiest way I’ve found is by reframing my thoughts. I do not shame my thoughts, for I know they come without ill intent. I instead hear the thought, then try to show my subconscious a different perspective. For example, when a minor inconvenience has happened in my life, I spill coffee on the way outside, or I can’t find my keys, so I am late to work, I try to view these small instances in a larger picture. Do you know of the butterfly effect? How one small thing could make a huge difference in the world? Maybe I spilled my coffee this morning because there was bad milk inside that would’ve caused me a whole day on the toilet. Maybe those 5 minutes I spent looking for my keys saved me from being hit by a reckless driver. Small inconveniences, seen as blessings. Reframing.

This one is much easier said than done. I am always able to see hardships as a necessity in my life, long after they have passed. I didn’t get to study abroad in college because of COVID. When I got the news, I was devastated. Now, I can look back and see all the amazing things that are in my life that happened because of that semester I had to stay in Ohio. The hardships and difficulties in my life aren’t to punish me. They are to teach me, to help me grow, to mold me into the person I’m meant to become. When I started viewing each day as an opportunity to learn, the heavy emotions and hard times became something of value instead of discontent. Reframing.

I find it very easy to fall asleep. Anywhere at anytime. As someone who likes to feel productive, naps made me feel guilty and lazy. Falling asleep on my roommate while we’re watching a movie made me feel bad, too. Why can’t I just stay awake? How can someone need so much sleep? One day, I found myself napping on a hostel couch in El Salvador. I woke up with my friends nearby. They asked how the nap was. I said I wished I hadn’t slept, so I could’ve been hanging out with them this whole time. One girl says, “Being able to sleep anywhere is a gift. I wish I could fall asleep at night, in my comfy bed,” I had never in my life seen this trait of mine as positive. After 24 years, a random girl reminds me that there are people everywhere who wish they could get as much sleep as me. I’ve never taken another nap for granted by plaguing my mind with self-pity. Reframing.

I’ve lived a life of movement, my most recent was to Boston after college graduation. I was sitting with a bunch of friends at the end of the semester, and one was moving to Georgia. We were all sad, reminiscing on our time and the friends we made, and how it was going to feel to start over again. I was the only one with a smile of excitement at this time of remembrance. She asked me, “Aren’t you sad to be leaving so many people behind?” But truthfully, all I could think about was how many new people would enter my life. If I were leaving some friends behind, all that meant was how much room I’d have for new ones. Of course, no one is replaceable, but my point is, this was a happy time. The people and places I was leaving weren’t exiting my life; they were just going in the background for a bit so I could experience other people and places at the forefront. Reframing.

One last trick of reframing is by choosing the best-case-scenario more often. What if I think of the best all the time? What if I believe in miracles? What’s the harm done? If I assume the worst and the worst happens, am I going to call myself psychic? Probably not. I'll just tell my subconscious I told you so. Wouldn’t it be better to hope for the best? If the best comes, that’s my reward. If not, I can remind myself that some twist of fate was more important. I didn't get the job that I really wanted? That means it wasn’t meant for me. Or maybe it was going to help someone else much more crucially. Allow yourself to assume the best, and you will see wonders change in your life. A friend in college had a street cat that would come to his house all the time, and he’d feed it. One day, the cat never returned. He told me this story, and my first thought was “Maybe a family took him in.” He was genuinely shocked that I thought this, and I was genuinely shocked when he suggested that maybe the cat died. I would’ve never assumed that. Because my mind has been trained to assume the best-case scenario.

If you can reframe your thoughts, try it. Even if the reframing seems like a fairytale or fake. Who cares? We all deserve a fairytale life, so why not think like it? Train your mind to be your biggest supporter. This world has enough negativity, hate, and bullies already; your mind shouldn’t be one of them.