People Pleasing

Everything we do has a root cause, right? This means that my tendency to people please isn’t because I’m an inherently kind and generous human, but maybe something deeper.

Maybe I can’t say no to people because I want to feel important. Maybe I want to feel needed. I’ve always believed that if I tell people no or I don’t make time even if I’m drained, then my relationships will suffer. Then my identity as an accommodating human will be tarnished.

I don’t always tell people the truth. I make time for guys that I don’t actually like, just because saying I’m not interested would maybe hurt their feelings. I chat with people for longer than I want, because walking away feels rude.

What about me? Why should I be taking such care of others feelings that my own wellbeing falters?

It’s not selfish to navigate this life with my own needs in mind. It’s not rude to tell someone the truth about how I feel (in a kind way). Nothing good will come if I continue to drain my battery for others. I need to set proper boundaries and listen to my body, only then can the growth happen.

It’s no longer selfless, but self diminishing. It’s not honorable to deny my own needs and boundaries. Other people’s feelings and emotions are not my responsibility. When I choose them over me, it’s my ego hoping they will find me as a compassionate person.

If anyone makes me feel bad about putting myself first, it’s coming from their own inability to do the same. I know this first hand, because when people walk away from plans or something of the sort, I simultaneously feel annoyance and envy. This is because I wish I could do the same without feeling guilty.

So it’s time to reevaluate. It’s time to set proper boundaries. To listen to my gut when it knows it’s time to go home. To tell people the truth even if it may hurt. That’s the only way I want to live.