Travel Days

For a semi-traveled human like myself, you’d think these days are a piece of cake. Not always the case.

Days like yesterday, where I was leaving a place that felt like home, I had this deep rooted anxiety that manifested into nausea. Saturday night is when it started, not even being able to eat loaded fries. They had pickles on top too, and one bite made me feel sick. Getting closer to the flight, the nausea got worse. I was sitting with Esha’s family while they offered me anything I could want, just urging my body to be at rest. The morning of, I laid in bed, curled up just awaiting the flight. I kept my eyes closed on the ride to the airport. Until I was finally waiting at my gate. You’d think it would be the flight itself that works me up, but no, I slept like a baby for most of the four hours. It’s the anticipation of a drastic change. The build up of packing my stuff, saying my goodbyes, and going through the airport motions. The real relaxation only starts once I board the plane. Or, when I’m back home, whenever the edible kicks in. I unfortunately did not have my usual lifeline during this process. Good thing too, because when I landed in Sri Lanka the first sign I saw at immigration said “Possession of illegal drugs punishable by death penalty.” Damn Daniel, a bit excessive, I fear.

Anyways, the point of me telling you all of this is that even though I have anxious days that take away my appetite and ability to relax, I still truck along. I love to travel. I love a life on the move. Even while living my dream life, I still have low days. I still get all the normal human feelings. Anxiety, dread, stress, confusion, longing. The reason I push through? Because this life also comes with feelings of excitement, love, friendship, ecstasy, enlightenment, and happiness that brings me tears of joy. I don’t know if there is a lifestyle that exists without some downfalls. The biggest accomplishment that I can think of is not achieving eternal joy, but handling with grace the times of doubt and worry. This defines me. Not how amazing I can feel in happiness, that’s easy. But still breathing and recognizing the strength I am building in the hard times and being easy on myself.

Life is not a simple journey, it is a complex one. To be appreciative and loving even when things aren’t easy inside, that’s what I am striving for. Not perfection.