Contentment

While learning an immense amount of information on how to live a healthy life, I find myself feeling a bit overwhelmed. There is so much to remember. What time to go to bed, what food to eat, what thoughts to have, how to stand, even what things to talk about.

Today I woke up at 5 AM, not feeling refreshed, but tired as hell. I’ve been having trouble sleeping here, for the first time in my life, and it’s frustrating. I’m eating healthier than ever, working out twice a day, thinking positive thoughts, drinking lavender tea before bed. Shouldn’t I wake up feeling like a princess? My mind starts replaying all the things I did yesterday that could’ve lead me astray. Did I stay on my phone too close to bedtime? Should I have skipped on that mango for dinner? What position did I sleep in? As I’m asking myself these things, the guilt is piling up. What’s wrong with me?

After about 5 minutes of self pity, I realized the actual problem. I don’t need to ensure perfection of all the choices I make, I just need to be okay with them and the resulting effect. Instead of blaming myself for not doing everything perfectly, I need to accept that sometimes, despite my best efforts, I’m not going to wake up with a big smile on my face. Only then can I decide it will still be a good day. If I can get my thoughts and mind under control first, my sense of peace and balance will not be contingent upon doing everything perfectly 100% of the time. It will be contingent on the level of contentment I choose to feel with myself and my choices.

Yes, I woke up tired from another night of interrupted sleep. But I choose to still appreciate myself and my efforts. I choose to show myself patience and forgiveness. I choose contentment.